Don't Do That Tuesday 1/15

Happy Tuesday, y'all! Once again, I had a week mysteriously free from major mishaps. I swear to God, before I started this blog feature I'd have at least two days a week that were filled with catastrophe after catastrophe: injuries, broken furniture, vomiting from both man and beast. It was like an amateur wrestling competition up in here. Since I started writing about aforementioned catastrophes and thus welcoming them into my life, they've mysteriously dried up. Go figure (So, I guess that's a Do That Tuesday for you: if everything's going wrong, try to profit from it somehow, the evil chaos elves will stop throwing crap your way if you start rolling in it).

I do have some minor Don't Do Thats like "Don't give a toddler his own coat to hold while you're getting the other two out of the car on a very rainy day. This will end with said toddler 'washing' his coat in a puddle" and "Don't say the word 'bioinformatics' to a raving lunatic working on his dissertation in evolutionary biology. This will result in a 45 minute lecture on how the entire field of biology is going to the Dark Side".

The most significant one I've got for you today, though, is a total rookie parenting mistake. By now, I should really know better, especially since the exact same thing happened 2 weeks ago and I made a mental note to never repeat this mistake. Let's face it, though, Mama's brain is a scary jumble of mental notes like a whiteboard covered with the manic scribblings of one suffering from hypergraphia. Thus, I bring you...

Don't Do That!: This morning, it was very rainy and floody (yes, that's a word), so we drove Dylan to work and then went out to run some errands. On the way to the store, Pippa Jane decided she was done with the car NOW. I was treated to 15 minutes of "DOWN! PLEASE! AAAAAAAAH! OOOOOOUUUUUCCCCH! DOWN! MOMMY! DOWN! OOOOOOOUUUUUUCCCCCHHH!" As this charming serenade was not only giving me a splitting headache, but was also causing S to cover his ears and bawl (thus adding to the din) and it continued into the parking lot of the grocery store where I was afraid someone would call CPS on me, I was desperate. Having tried just about everything else in my mommy arsenal, I turned to bribery.

"Pippa, if you stop crying, we can have pasta for lunch."

Immediate silence, followed by a small happy voice, "Pasha?"

"Yes, pasta! We just have to do our grocery shopping and then clean your room and RyRy's first."

"Pasha?"

"Yes, love," I replied, and thought, "How adorable she is! Listen to that little voice."

That adorable little voice continued like a hungry Italian parrot through the store.

She said "Pasha?" in the tea aisle while I attempted to distract her by letting her pick a tea. She said "Pasha?" near the dairy case. She said "Pasha?" in the vitamin aisle where I tried to pick an Omega-3 supplement and my addled brain wondered why none of the brands contained spaghetti as an ingredient. She said "Pasha?" in the chip aisle where I attempted to pick a treat for myself and gave up in favor of the thought of a large bowl of vegan mac and cheese which for some unknown reason kept popping into my head. She said "Pasha?" to the cashier who looked confused and offered her a sticker.

In the car, she amped up her campaign. She said, "Pashapashapashapashapasha!" all the way home. When I asked her to help clean up her toys she replied, "Pashapashapashapashapasha!" She followed 2 steps behind me while I vacuumed yelling, "PASHAPASHAPASHAPASHAPASHA!" I escaped into the bathroom for a moment's peace and as soon as I sat down, tiny fingers popped up from under the door and wiggled while their owner yelled, "PASHA? PASHA PLEASE MOMMY! PLEASE!"

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I served lunch early. She took one look at her plate, yelled, "PASHA!" one final time and gathered a large armful of it and hugged it to her chest.

What can I say? Girlfriend loves her pasta.

This is the face of a girl stuffed to the gills with "pasha"

So, what have we learned today, folks? Never, ever, ever, ever tell a toddler you are going to give her something she likes until you actually have it in your hand. Just, for the sake of your sanity, don't do that.