Bark Bark!

So I know, I know, I've been away again. Y'all are just dying for a good purple baby butt story, right? There was a very good reason for my absence. We've all taken to our beds with a mortal plague. On Saturday, Pippa, Ry and I came down with fevers and nasty coughs. Methoughts (that's the past tense of methinks, right? Sure it is...) 'twas perhaps the consumption, but the good gentle folk of the East Tennessee Children's Hospital diagnosed the Boog with croup when we took him to the ER for croup on Sunday. Side note: dude, if I already know what it is, I should be able to pick up the necessary treatment at the Walgreenz. That should be a law. If you can correctly diagnose your child, you can carry away whatever high-powered drugs are necessary to treat him. For example, when we knew he had a hernia, the drug store pharmacist should have been able to say, "Congratulations! Here's your scalpel, anesthetic and some sutures. Have at it!"

I digress. Anyway, I knew that wasn't the whole story since Pippa and I had a normal deadly and disgusting cough and not a barky I-can't-breathe deadly and disgusting cough, and when we couldn't get Pippa's fever under 103 and she started refusing to eat or drink, to the doctor we went!

The doc was pretty sure it was the flu, but ran a test anyway. Sure enough, flu! He came into the room saying, "Okay, you guys have influenza A -- no...wait...it's influenza B. Huh. That's weird."

Being possessed of a curious and almost lucid mind, thanks to ibuprofen, I looked it up on the Wikipedia later and it turns out that A is the more common strain of influenza. It infects humans and other mammals as well as birds. It mutates more quickly and spreads more rapidly. Most flu pandemics are influenza A pandemics.

B on the other hand, mutates slowly and is rarer. It also only infects humans and...

Seals!

Y'all, I have seal flu! How awesome is that? Can you imagine how cute a seal with the flu would be?

See???

This is so much cooler than the swine flu or the bird flu. Seals are cute and lumber around like fuzzy pillows come to life and they make fun barking sounds. Plus you can throw them fish and they do tricks...or so I've been told by cartoons and cartoons have never lied to me.

Anyway, I anticipate I'll be lounging on the couch enjoying the mucusy affliction I share with my fuzzy water-dwelling brothers for a few more days. If any of you wants to experience what it feels like to be a sick seal, come on over! I'll bark on you and clap my flippers in your general direction.